Adoption option??

 

Adoption options:

Solutions to the empty nest syndrome, or maybe not?

By Debra L. Karplus

Partially asleep on my sofa after an exhausting day, I’m half-watching Family Ties reruns on Antenna TV. Numerous commercials are on this and probably most channels that aren’t public television, products for eczema, incontinence, weight loss, chronic pain, ED, and more.  But an ad to adopt an elephant startles me into total alertness and my whacky imagination goes into overdrive.  Perhaps if I adopted an elephant, I could cure myself of the empty nest syndrome, no matter that my children are edging in at 50 years old.

Naming my adopted elephant Steinbeck, a non-gender- specific name after the acclaimed author, I have visions of stuffing Steinbeck into my Honda Fit. I’d proudly bring Steinbeck to story time at the library, register Steinbeck for kindergarten, attend parent-teacher night at school, arrange playdates with Steinbeck’s friends, provide treats for Steinbeck’s lemonade stand, applaud Steinbeck at a first violin recital and school theater productions, shop for prom attire, visit colleges with Steinbeck. I’d glow at Steinbeck’s graduation ceremony.  

I quickly pull myself back to full-consciousness.  I’ve seen this television commercial and similar ones, and truly wonder if adopting an elephant is a legitimate cause.  Much to my surprise, one can actually adopt an elephant!  There are various programs for adopting all sorts of unwieldy beasts, including lions, giraffes, orangutans, rhinos, whales, dolphins, and even bears.  I discovered a person can even adopt a penguin; that would be my choice as I adore these flightless birds.

These charities typically suggest a fixed amount yearly; the contributor receives an adoption certificate.  Some of the organizations encourage you to visit your adopted animal in their surroundings in Kenya.  I have no burning desire to visit Kenya, so that’s not a real draw for me!  Others might find that enticing, and perhaps there is even some tax deduction component to this, an interesting idea.

I can tell you I actually have already adopted!  The City of Champaign has, or at least had, an adopt a drain program.  I was one of the first in the city to adopt one, c. 2019, and mine proudly sits at the north end of my cul-de-sac here in Southwest Champaign.  I’ve not yet named my drain, nor can I claim it as a dependent on my income taxes. I keep my drain scrupulously clean and free of debris such as grass clippings, twigs, empty water bottles, and miscellaneous stuff that end up in city sewage drains all around town. In winter when the street ices up, I break up some of the chunks so water can drain quickly. I discovered that cities such as Naperville, Moline, and Seattle have similar adopt a drain programs.

One can participate in an adopt a highway program by donating money and/or time.  All 50 states have some sort of adopt a highway program, and though the requirements and expectations vary from state to state, essentially the adopter is expected to keep their stretch of the road presentable and free of litter. But don’t expect to be excused from a speeding ticket on “your highway”.  Ain’t gonna happen!

I looked up the definition of adoption and read that it’s the legal process where a couple or person assumes that role of parent to a child who is not biologically their own.  That’s quite a stretch from adopting an elephant, whale or penguin, a highway or even a city drain on your street corner, but I suppose the sentiment is there just the same. 

Adopting a cat or dog from the Humane Society or a rescue organization, seems more like what adoption is all about because you interface daily with these animals and these pets instantly become a beloved part of your family and aren’t  living on the other side of the planet.

Supporting charities that save endangered animals sounds like a very commendable effort. But I truly wonder how many sober people watching old sitcoms on a lesser-known TV channel are likely to pull out their credit card and make that financial commitment to support an animal in Africa.

If I find some extra pocket change, I might consider adopting an elephant or two, but at least for now I’d much rather support the Champaign-Urbana News-Gazette, my place of worship, Eastern Illinois Foodbank, WILL TV and radio, Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, Krannert Art Museum, and a few other causes that are near and dear to my heart so people who I know and care about benefit from my generosity.  But that’s just my opinion!