Winter warmth -- News-Gazette

"The burning issue of winter warmth"

is my latest published article in the 

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Saturday November 29, 2025.

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Memorable good buys -- News-Gazette

 "Some memorable good buys"

is my latest pubished article in the

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Saturday October 25, 2025,

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Vincennes & vicinity -- Prime Life Times

 "Vincennes and Vicinity Vacation"

is my latest published article in

Prime Life Times

October 2025, print edition, page A-4.

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Gym junkie -- News-Gazette

 "Confessions of a gym junkie"

is my latest published article

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Saturday September 13, 2025

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You've got to have class -- News-Gazette

 "You've got to have class"

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Saturday July 26, 2025.

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The Dutch Way: Who pays?

 

“The Dutch Way” or some other way?

By Debra L. Karplus

Now that my son has taken up residence outside Amsterdam, I thought I’d become the interested Mom who could talk intelligently with him about the place he now calls home. So when I spotted local girls doing Double Dutch jump rope on a nearby playground, I came home and researched Double Dutch but couldn’t find any obvious connection to anything in the Netherlands.  Then I thought about Dutch chocolate and discovered that in the early 1800s the Netherlands was a producer of chocolate bars and cocoa powder.

Recently chatting with my son, thanks for Facetime, I mentioned that I’d enjoyed Chinese food at a popular Champaign restaurant with a friend, and though we typically order identical menu items, we always ask for separate checks.  My son chimed in, that in his part of the world they call that “The Dutch Way”, a term which originated because of the reputation for straightforwardness embraced by folks in the Netherlands. 

A long discussion with my son began about the protocol for who pays when people go out for a meal or some other activity.  For married couples, the question of who pays is generally straightforward.  But for everyone else, it can become a very murky situation.  (I heard there’s even an app that helps sort this out.  What an amazing world we live in!)

When Dad would take the family for a restaurant meal, he’d insist on paying because he was the patriarch of our group of many adult children and numerous grandchildren.  I have several friends who say it’s that way in their families, also, and that the elder might even take offense if another person offered to pay. 

But what’s the rule for friends dining out?  Perhaps one party’s a big eater, ordering alcoholic beverages and/or dessert.  Splitting the check 50/50 simply doesn’t seem equitable.

Does gender figure into the” who pays” equation?  In earlier times, the man typically paid, but these days that’s not necessarily the case.

Is age a factor in deciding who picks up the check?  Is it assumed that the older person will take care of the check? 

Sometimes it’s obvious that one person might be in better shape financially, either because of their lavish lifestyle or current employment situation?  Is there some expectation that the seemingly wealthier person pick up the check?

And if someone has driven a long way for the meal, or is even an out of town guest, should they be treated to the meal?

When there’s leftover food from the meal, who gets to take it home, the person who paid or is it split between two households?

I hate pettiness and have been in situations when one check is delivered to the table after the meal, and the person I am with suggests we each pay our own and then squabbles over exact change which involves pennies.  I find that exhausting and am happy to pay more than my share, just to keep it all simple.

There are still restaurants that accept only cash, or offer a generous discount for paying cash versus credit card, or similarly charge a surcharge for those using credit card instead of cash.  These days, many people no longer even carry cash so would be in a bit of a pickle at a “cash only” dining establishment.  I was with someone once when that happened, he didn’t carry any cash, and it angered me, but I was a good sport and paid for both of us. 

Mom’s been gone nearly 10 years but I, as a young adult, remember her always telling me it’s a good idea to carry “mad money”, a little bit of money, and I stress “little bit” in my wallet “just in case”.

Purchasing Krannert Center or other entertainment tickets in advance can be equally convoluted, when we’re going “The Dutch Way”.  One of my friends orders and pays for a bunch of tickets and then invites friends with the expectation that they’ll reimburse her.  Often, I’ll arrange with a friend that I buy our two tickets and they’ll pay me back.  A new friend introduced me to what seems like the best way to obtain tickets with someone not in my household.  One of us buys one ticket and tells the other our seat number; consequently, they can independently buy the adjacent seat. 

It seems that social situations, in general, are much more ambiguous these days than they were when I was a young adult over a half century ago.

Old dogs learning new tricks -- News-Gazette

 "Old dogs learning new tricks" 

is my latest published article in the

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Saturday June 28, 2025 Voices Guest Commentary 

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Strangers in your home

 

Would you invite someone like me into your home?

By Debra L. Karplus

To keep life interesting and have a bit more pocket change, I’ve done numerous odd jobs.  One of the more unusual, totally fun gigs was my employment as a Welcome Wagon hostess (1983 to 1984).  People assumed I was a volunteer, but I actually hauled in some decent income.  I’d bring a basket of goodies (I still have that basket) to newcomers and others going through life changes.  I was compensated based on how many visits I made and the number of paid advertisers represented in my basket.  I was reasonably successful recruiting businesses.  Because of my overflowing basket and calendar filled with WW appointments, I additionally earned bonuses, practical prizes such as a magazine holder and coat-tree that I still use today.

Friends ask me if Welcome Wagon is still in business; I searched online.  Welcomewagon.com didn’t provide a straightforward answer other than to state they started in 1928, and still exist, but somewhere in the recent past have morphed from a face-to-face enterprise to something different.  Frankly, I’m relieved, as these days, I can’t imagine going into the homes of strangers, nor can I imagine them letting me in!

As a therapist, in the late 1990s, I visited homes around Central Illinois to provide services to children ages birth to three years old.  I didn’t question my personal safety in this state-funded program.  But around 2009, there was a very high profile homicide case in the residence of one of my home visit clients.  I often thought the family was a bit creepy, but I was diligent about doing my job, so never flinched. 

There were other families I’d visited during that stint that gave me the heebie- jeebies, but “keep on keeping on” was my mantra.

My mom is no longer around, but I have a vague recollection of her story about a professional who came by appointment into our home around 1958 to take family photographs.  His name was later in the Chicago Tribune for doing something very naughty.  Mom was very protective of us, so I never really got the ugly details, but it could possibly have been murder, hopefully not of one of his photograph-ees.

Well, that’s enough about grotesque and scary tales for now!

In our lifetime, selling popular household items door-to-door was extremely popular.  Vacuum cleaner salesmen were plentiful, from reputable companies that still exist, such as Kirby.  After visiting your neighbor’s home, they’d knock on your door and you’d happily let them in, serving up a cup of Sanka.

They’d sprinkle a container of schmutz (dirt) on your nice white carpeting, then demonstrate how nicely their vacuum cleaner did the job, and voila, you’d become the owner of a new vacuum cleaner.  There were travelling salesmen from who-knows-where selling items like Fuller Brush, Avon cosmetics, encyclopedias, and even Bibles.

I was very curious what caused their demise, since the only uninvited “guests” that come to my home, if they can even find our sleepy little cul-de-sac, are folks distributing political flyers or selling cable services.

I thought it was probably a safety issue, But, no, in the mid-1970s more women were out at work, thus nobody was home to invite these well-intended salesmen in.  Thus the apparent death of door-to-door selling evolved.

Once I hired a piano tuner to come to our house to keep our large musical instrument at its best for my children who were taking piano lessons, the tuner called me into the room.  I assumed he wanted to show me the inner workings of our piano, but instead started reading me scriptures.  I was patient with him, but didn’t appreciate hearing his rendition of religion. 

There are so many other things we used to do and never question the safety or security.  School identification was your social security number.  We used to also use our SS number on our personal checks and driver’s license.  It’s nearly impossible to imagine that being okay, but though we live in a world where the majority of people are honest and kind-hearted, there are a few bad apples, very bad apples.

Many places of worship have security systems at the front door, some even have hired security companies to serve and protect parishoners, as do buzzers at places like 24/7 gyms, and, of course, schools.  It’s terribly sad to see the erosion of trust!

But clearly we need to keep our perspective.  Most people are good, but unfortunately it’s those unsavory individuals that have kept us on guard to protect our safety.

 

 

 

Train travel: News-Gazette

 "Training for train travel:  All Aboard!"

is my latest published article in the

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Saturday May 17, 2025.

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ABCs of bidets: News-Gazette

 "Taking care of business: The ABCs of bidets"

is my latest published article in the

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Saturday May 3, 2025.

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Random acts -- News-Gazette

 "Revisiting random acts of kindness"

is my latest published article in the

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Saturday March 29, 2025.

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Cook an egg? -- News-Gazette

 "How many ways can you cook an egg"?

is my latest published article in the

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Saturday March 22, 2025.

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Dying to get it right -- News-Gazette

 "Dying to get it right"

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Saturday February 15, 2025 Voices Guest Commentary

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San Antonio -- Prime Life Times

 "Sensational San Antonio" 

is my latest published article in the

PRINT edition, February, 2025, Page A-9

Prime Life Times.

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Jimmy Carter years -- News-Gazette

 "Personal reflections on the Jimmy Carter years"

is my latest published article in the

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Saturday January 18, 2025

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